Your Love Keeps Healing Me: R

Love truly heals all wounds and your love keeps healing me

I was going through it trying to figure out everything within me and I couldn’t

I couldn’t get the jumbled up feelings and thoughts out of my spirit and it was so disturbing

You knew I was feeling something and some how you knew when I rang your line I wanted to get it out of me. You knew I needed what I didn’t know I needed. Is this another side effect of love? That you know the inner me, my desires and needs?

Or am I just that transparent with you?

But you always give me what I need. You always answer the phone, or call back. You always listen, even when you wont shut the fuck up, I know you are listening to your baby. You give advice, perspective, and patience.

Your laugh is everything to me, it is everything I need.

We share so much with each other when we speak that way. When we speak it’s a foreign language I know other people in our lives don’t get taught, it’s a language I can hear, that I can comprehend. Its English but our language is spoken in a way that sets us apart. I like that because I know that, this language was created for and meant for just us.

I feel more comfortable with you than I did before, partially because you have single handedly smashed a few of the bricks I placed around me. In some places you have crawled over the wall and helped me take down the bricks myself. The weight was always so heavy I was never sure if I could lift what I placed down and when I realized I needed help lifting some of the bricks I placed around me that I really didn’t want to hide behind I gave up, I gave up on ever finding anyone strong enough to carry the load. I doubted I would ever encounter someone brave enough to smash bricks, and deal with the pieces of them falling afterwards.

I can see the progress we have made knowing what’s behind us, seeing the holes where parts of the wall have been removed, light shining through in dark spaces. I see how far we have come knowing when I reach out, your hand will be there waiting to hold mine.

I know when I am ready to speak I will have your ear, I know when I am ready to get on my knees and love on you, you will appreciate it. I know that getting on my knees to you is the ultimate surrender of my womanhood, I know it is the ultimate level of adoration and submissiveness you desire. I know you want to see me there. And we have been there, but not with this progress in play.

I can see the growth from the short to the tall, the height of growth beneath us shows me how far we have went up. When will we stop playing with this, even though I know we are not playing.

Loving you has taken time, but I always knew you could be mine. I recognize the butterflies inside. Love is going to be made tonight. All you gotta do is say yes. All of the love songs to you my love. What we have is so genuine, authentic, its been organic and it’s the third most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. Gods love for me, my children’s entire being, and then R. That’s powerful.

But now I need to see what life looks like without that adoration. What does it look like when I adore myself the way I adore you. What does it look like when I take some of the bricks down by myself?

You said we were an entanglement, and I know you were intoxicated and I wont hold that against you, but I also know it dwelled somewhere inside of you. And its not that easy for me or to do me. then I tell you these things and you go an buy me tires. And I feel some type of way because I didn’t or couldn’t do it for myself. I feel some type of way that you just be doing that caring and selflessness whenever it strikes you. You say I should tell myself I deserve it, and I know you know what you deserve, but now more than ever I want to know what I deserve.

I just want to see you, I want to hold you, and to be held, I want to lay next to you in the dark and whisper a thank you to God. I want to wake up and realize I am in fact sharing the bed of sex and slumber with a man who feels the same way about me. who is cheering me on, and a

part of this silence is because its overwhelming. The love you have for me is not something I've ever known and I don’t want to mess it up, I don’t want to mess me up in the process.